In a general sense, I've thought a lot about how much happens that is actually a movement of God's hand - meaning, I think it's a lot higher than I often want to believe. I am not going to speculate on percentages or anything, 'cause honestly I don't know what to do with the horrors of the world. But again, in a general sense, I laugh at myself sometimes when I catch me assuming I've done something...when in reality God's hand is in it. I don't have as much control as I think I do.
It's a delicate balance on an internal level...
In AA, the First Step says: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
That sums up where I'm at. Or, rather, what I'm shooting for. Both. Not from an alcohol perspective (trust me on this one), but from a life perspective.
Dictionary:
powerless: without ability, influence or power.
Thesaurus:
powerless: impotent, helpless, ineffectual, ineffective, useless, defenseless, vulnerable (NOT my favorite, by the way!)....
and my VERY favorite: lame duck.
powerless: without ability, influence or power.
Thesaurus:
powerless: impotent, helpless, ineffectual, ineffective, useless, defenseless, vulnerable (NOT my favorite, by the way!)....
and my VERY favorite: lame duck.
"I admitted I was powerless, and that my life had become unmanageable."
* sigh *
Does it get any truer than this? Hmmm... only truer when I look at Steps Two and Three...
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Therein lies where I believe my Truth resides. My great misconception has been in the exertion of my own self-will, and the belief that my self-will was somehow enough to get me through. And it's not like I'm just getting introduced to God for the first time in this season of my life. I've known Him (and believed I've known Him quite intimately) for 25 years. But there remains a letting-go that needs to happen.
I am Step One-ing. Control is a tough one to loose from my being.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Therein lies where I believe my Truth resides. My great misconception has been in the exertion of my own self-will, and the belief that my self-will was somehow enough to get me through. And it's not like I'm just getting introduced to God for the first time in this season of my life. I've known Him (and believed I've known Him quite intimately) for 25 years. But there remains a letting-go that needs to happen.
I am Step One-ing. Control is a tough one to loose from my being.
2 comments:
I love this! For my addictions class, I did a project on What the Church Can Learn From A.A. I LOVED it. For the class, I went to three A.A. meetings, and because I think everyone should experience a good meeting, I made Joy come to my last one. Then, when doing my practicum at a residential addictions facility, I thought a lot more about those steps. And in that place, there was a sense of community and honesty and vulnerability that was tremendously beautiful (okay, this wasn't the case the entire time...there was that weekend when a group of people who also snuck drugs onto the campus...). Thanks for sharing! LOVE TO YOU!
Okay, I just re-read the post. Good things are worth re-reading, right? I didn't notice the first time how you put "Vulnerable (NOT my favorite)." Interesting, cause it is one of my favorites. In fact, a working of that word will be in the title of a book I write (years and years away) simply because I am regularly amazed by what vulnerability can be if we just let go of all those frickin fears....
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